Post by Blue Ridge Runner on Feb 23, 2006 20:24:49 GMT -5
Mudslide and Dudeboy's Trip to Brown Mountain
As good ol boys go, MUDSLIDE and Dude Boy hang in there. I mean, give them a couple more junk cars in their yard and a sofa on their front porch and they might even rate up there with the best. Ol MUDSLIDE lives down by the creek and Dude Boy up the hollow between Rattlesnake Junction and Raccoon Swamp. Now these two dudes done went a bought them some used ATV's. Got a good price on them too. Stored in a barn and rode only on Sunday. Yes, that's right. One of them modern day wonders for zipping through the woods and avoiding those unscrupulous gov'mt dudes. Anyhow, these two dudes mastered the likes of Buckleberry's. That's the place all the coolest dudes hang out. After all, Buck's got some pretty tall sandpiles. Hey, how bout them ditches we jumped across? Well heck shoot fire, we can really ride!! "Ya know Dude Boy", MUDSLIDE says, "I say we go show um how these country boys can ride". Of course he was referring to the Brown Mountain ATV riding area in the Pisgah National Forest. He'd heard only the best can take on its mighty trails. "Yep", sez the MUDSLIDE, "bout time somebody went up thar and showed um a thing or two or three". Ol MUDSLIDE got excited when he started counting on his fingers.
The big day arrives when MUDSLIDE takes a "Sick" day from the factory and Dude Boy had to take a personal day off to take his hunting dog to the vet. We all know that's a lie, Dude Boy can't remember when the last time his dog went to the vet. Anyhow, back to our story. Our two hero's load their ATV's into the back of MUDSLIDE's pickup truck. You see, both of our heros are kinda in the - lets say, financially depressed category, so they don't have one of those fancy trailers to haul their ATV's. They pile them in the back of MUDSLIDE's rusty pickup truck. One pointing up in the air and the other sort of hanging out over the side. "Shoot fire, ain't nothing wrong with that, Longs they don't fall out" - and they are off to the infamous Brown Mountain ATV riding area.
After two fill ups and six quarts of oil, our hero's make it to the top of the parking area at Brown Mtn. As usual the parking and unloading area was full of good ol boys and gals all looking to have a good time. Let's save the comments overheard from the "Obviously rich city guys" about how our hero's must have looked as they pulled in. MUDSLIDE turned to Dude Boy and commented to the likes of "How the heck these city boys afford them thar dooley trucks with the fancy trailers, and will ya look at that! A new RUBICON" "Let's show these dudes how a poor boy puts um to shame". And with that and a somewhat humorous unloading at the ramp, our two hero's take off up the closest trail - that being the treacherous perimeter trail one - trailing smoke one might notice!! Dude boy tuned up his ATV and even changed the oil couple years ago. The good ol boy on the RUBICON turned to his buddys and commented something to the effect "The good Lord might look out after fools, but fellows, we'd better keep our eyes on these two". Turns out, these good ol boys and gals were part of the infamous "Piedmont ATV Association" (PATVAers) riding club and they saw an opportunity to have some fun. Couple of um, led by this ol gal on a red Prairie 650, A dude on a smoking Honda Rancher and the RUBICON rider waited a few minutes then gleefully took off in pursuit of our hero's.
Not far up trail one, at a particular rock infested spot, ol Dude Boy starts waving his arms frantically to get MUDSLIDE's attention. "Slow down" he's yelling above the screaming roar of his engine - but to no avail, you see, there is written someplace, in a book or on the back of a table napkin, "You never let your buddy's know you're scared". Ol MUDSLIDE is starting to worry himself cause he just ain't getting around them rocks to swiftly but he'd never say it out loud. Anyhow or so the story was told to me, MUDSLIDE finally had to pull over, "Dern motor overheating" or so he says. MUDSLIDE picked a spot to stop that had a rather difficult rock to climb. He just wanted to see how Dude Boy made it across!! And make it across Dude Boy did. Here he comes ripping back and forth, actually bouncing from tree root to tree trunk. Anyway, soon's Dude Boy seen MUDSLIDE sitting off to the side he saw his chance to "one up on the MUDSLIDE" so he gunned it. And gun it he did. That's whatcha supposed to do to impress your buddys, even if it does place your bad self in between a rock and the proverbial hard spot. Only this time when Dude Boy's rapidly spinning tire hit the big rock he flat spun the tire off the rim. Some of it was Dude Boy's fault and rest of it was his own stupidity. You see, musta been one of them "PATVAers" at the loading ramp poking fun at him when they told him to drop his air pressure to 1 pound cause "Them thar rocks are hard on the butt!!" Ol dude boy did just that, only he don't have a ATV tire gage and they left the tractor gage back at the house, so he guessed about 1 pound, yea that's it. About this time the gal on the red Prairie 650 and our RUBICON rider arrive to save the day. Needless to say they were prepared for anything and broke out a portable air compressor, fixed Dude Boy's tire and offered "to follow him out - just in case you have another flat." OK - Dude Boy rode like a gentleman the rest of the day!!!!
Now MUDSLIDE just knew he could one up his buddy so he plotted to find just the right place to rub it in and show his wealth of riding experience. Here comes the infamous trail one staircase. Trail one has been known to tax the best of equipment, and you know our hero must have the best?
"Hey Dude Boy" MUDSLIDE laughingly yells back. "Which way should we go?" Pumping up his own ego, "The hard way up the obvious difficult rock climb or the woosy way around to the right" This is an obviously loaded question as MUDSLIDE was ready to strike at the heart of Dude Boy's riding ability and pride - knowing Dude Boy was limping along, our hero struck while the iron was hot. He took off lickity split up the staircase while Dude Boy, still reeling from his humiliation of having to accept help from the "PATVAers" opted to take the easy trail to the right and agreed to meet MUDSLIDE at the top. MUDSLIDE thinks to himself, "Heck fire, what fun is it to bust up this thing with nobody to watch" - thinks again for a minute until his brain releases a thought - "Shoot fire, ain't no pile of rocks gonna stop this country boy" and he rips on up the staircase. Meanwhile Dude Boy limps around the easy way up and agreed to meet him at the top. OK - think now, any reasonable person can easily deduce what happens next. Dude Boy makes it to the top, meets up with the gal on the ref Prairie 650 and the RUBICON rider and guess what? NO MUDSLIDE! RUBICON rider has a winch and offers to go look for him and takes off down the staircase. Sure enough, about three fourths of the way down, or to the MUDSLIDE, only one quarter of the way up - we find ol MUDSLIDE "laying down taking a nap" Or so he says. Only thing is what reasonable rider would take a nap with a 500 pound ATV laying across them. MUDSLIDE now realizes his leg has gone to sleep from the weight of the 4wheeler. It's leaking hot fluids down on his leg and by all rights he is in deep DOO DOO. To make this story short, our RUBICON rider winches our hero out and up the rest of the difficult terrain. Ol MUDSLIDE sees his glory fading fast and quickly tells Dude Boy, the gal on the red 650 and our RUBICON rider "about the deer that leaped out in front of him and caused him to steer off to the side and flip". "Yea, that's one mighty lucky deer. Any lesser rider would have kilt it" MUDSLIDE kept saying to inattentive ears.
Later that day back at the parking area, RUBICON rider and his buddy's see our hero's slowing limping down the main trail, sheepishly pass them and in one last effort to gain face, cut a heck of a do-nut. Well give them credit for a half do-nut. MUDSLIDE ran out of gas and well, Dude Boy just blew up.
As they loaded up and drove past the loading ramp MUDSLIDE and Dude Boy could not help but notice the looks of admiration from the "PATVAers". He even swore to Dude Boy he heard the RUBICON rider say - something to the effect "Yep, them dudes sure showed us a thing or two". And with that our hero's sputtered down the mountain, relishing in the story's and tall tales they were going to tell the eagerly awaiting ears of the gang back at Buckleberry's. "Yep Dude Boy, we sho nuff got to come back soon and show them city boys how it's down"
And with that the "PATVAers" tossed a steak on the grill, popped a cold Coke and started making plans for their night ride. The dude with the smoking Honda drooled Coke down his chin as he watched in admiration as they drove down the mountain. Then the mountain returned to normal!!!